Colder Months

"Very Good, Very Good, Thank you." Her name was Mrs. Winters. I wonder if Mrs. Winters had ever been hit. Suddenly i was very bitter. I felt angry and ashamed for having to sit here. So i stayed silent as she jotted down some of what i said. taking notes on me as if i was a mental paient. i was a victim. "Please, Continue when you feel comfortable." when i feel comfortable?? I will never feel comfortable in this stuffy, cold silent room. i coughed. brushed of my jeans and continued.

"As the winter crept up on us however, Jack and i hit a rut. My feelings where fleeting, i was young and easily distracted by what else came near. The basic's is i, being a coward, forced him to see my selfish point of view and dump me, because i didnt have the heart to break his. What hit after wasnothing but grieve, surely more pain then i can imagine. " I pauesd. Looked at the clock, 12:57. i had time to tease her mind.
I took in one last breathe to let out what i hated admitting.
"I was in love with the idea of love, and wanted to love everyone, and thats just what i did, loved and left for the next leaving behind me nothing but hopes and broken hearts. it seemed as if i wasnt satisfied until they had fallin, head over heals for me, for my sense of adventure, my randomness, and my ridicuoulsness. Once they did, i was bored. there was no challange anymore, and i ran before i too, felt what they did."

She looked up, surprised possibly by my blantenless of a demon inside. maybe not. maybe the monotone in my voice caused her to think i was depressed. whatever the case she became interested, and her facial expression changed from kind, to simply intreged. "You didn't want to get hurt?"

silence, "Possibly. i didnt know heartbreak yet. just fake love and pain."

More silence. "Hmm."

I took that as my que to continue. "Recognizing this, my beast within. Only when Jack had found another. Then the ultimate challange arrived, what i cruel thing i did. How i wish i could have seen what i was doing before. I ripped apart my heart, and let him have all the pain i was feeling, when only it was desperation and pathetic lonelyness that a previous intereaction had permanetly scared me."

"A previous interaction? " Her voice now annoyed that i wouldnt just tel herwhy i was so damaged.

"Yeah, i thought i decided what order this went in." i looked her straight in the eye's. i hadn't even decided if she needed to know about him or not. i probably wouldnt tell her how he had broken me into a millionpiece's and left them. because i was yet to find all of me yet. "It's 1, we're done here." i stood, for only a moment awkwardly, then regaining my thoughts i left closing the door behind myself. trying to forget why i had togo back tomorrow. 11 o'clock sharp.