Colder Months

"Very Good, Very Good, Thank you." Her name was Mrs. Winters. I wonder if Mrs. Winters had ever been hit. Suddenly i was very bitter. I felt angry and ashamed for having to sit here. So i stayed silent as she jotted down some of what i said. taking notes on me as if i was a mental paient. i was a victim. "Please, Continue when you feel comfortable." when i feel comfortable?? I will never feel comfortable in this stuffy, cold silent room. i coughed. brushed of my jeans and continued.

"As the winter crept up on us however, Jack and i hit a rut. My feelings where fleeting, i was young and easily distracted by what else came near. The basic's is i, being a coward, forced him to see my selfish point of view and dump me, because i didnt have the heart to break his. What hit after wasnothing but grieve, surely more pain then i can imagine. " I pauesd. Looked at the clock, 12:57. i had time to tease her mind.
I took in one last breathe to let out what i hated admitting.
"I was in love with the idea of love, and wanted to love everyone, and thats just what i did, loved and left for the next leaving behind me nothing but hopes and broken hearts. it seemed as if i wasnt satisfied until they had fallin, head over heals for me, for my sense of adventure, my randomness, and my ridicuoulsness. Once they did, i was bored. there was no challange anymore, and i ran before i too, felt what they did."

She looked up, surprised possibly by my blantenless of a demon inside. maybe not. maybe the monotone in my voice caused her to think i was depressed. whatever the case she became interested, and her facial expression changed from kind, to simply intreged. "You didn't want to get hurt?"

silence, "Possibly. i didnt know heartbreak yet. just fake love and pain."

More silence. "Hmm."

I took that as my que to continue. "Recognizing this, my beast within. Only when Jack had found another. Then the ultimate challange arrived, what i cruel thing i did. How i wish i could have seen what i was doing before. I ripped apart my heart, and let him have all the pain i was feeling, when only it was desperation and pathetic lonelyness that a previous intereaction had permanetly scared me."

"A previous interaction? " Her voice now annoyed that i wouldnt just tel herwhy i was so damaged.

"Yeah, i thought i decided what order this went in." i looked her straight in the eye's. i hadn't even decided if she needed to know about him or not. i probably wouldnt tell her how he had broken me into a millionpiece's and left them. because i was yet to find all of me yet. "It's 1, we're done here." i stood, for only a moment awkwardly, then regaining my thoughts i left closing the door behind myself. trying to forget why i had togo back tomorrow. 11 o'clock sharp.

Fire

The office was cold, I sat down in a chair farthest away from her desk. I looked down, not

wanting to make eye contact with her.


"Well, you know why you're here" she said smoothly, in her therapist voice.

"Yeah" i spit out, trying to keep my voice level unsucessfully.

"Well, i'm going to need you to start from the beginning." she said, i could sense a hint of
impatience in her voice.

"No, we'll get to the beginning later." I replied urgently, still my voice uneven and shaking.

"Okay, can you please start from where ever is comfortable for you, i am here to help you."

I took in a deep breathe,
"Over the summer of 2008 i went to a bible camp for the second time, the first time my
friend told me to go, and i got my poor young heart broken by a little blonde boy. But i had
known no heartbrek yet."  I looked up breafly, to see her staring at my shoes. They weren't anything fancy that i can remember. an old pair of sneaker with a bible verse written on the toe. I continued. "Now this second year i went, on the third day about, the camp beind approximately seven days long i met a boy named Jack, Jack was wonderful. He still is. He was kind to me, and gladly let me join him and his gang in some volleyball, though i dont believe in love atfrist sight i do believe in true friendship at first conversation. Jack and i hit it off, by the end of the week i was in love with everything about it, from is dorky attitude and fetish for zombies, to his kind eye's, and understand ways. He treated me liike no other boy ever had. After the end of camp we went our seperate ways, just to find no distance could seperate us, we dated for many months, to this day my longestrelationship. We talked on the phone every night for atleast 2 hours, everyday i waited at his bus stop just to say goodmorning, and good evning. a quick hug lasted me through the days. we kissed twice, thogh our face time was scares it was wonderful when it happened." I let out a sigh, accidentally. i was remembering us. How i just ignored ll around me. Then i sharp, memory came back.
 "On New Years, at 11:58 he asked me if we could pretend it was midnight. i said yes."